Wizard Weygint's Popcorn Recipe

One cannot live on college football analysis alone, so when you need a break to recharge the handicapping batteries, the Wiz recommends his popcorn recipe.

Ingredients: Jolly Time yellow popcorn, powdered brewer's yeast, salt, canola oil, Mongolian fire oil.

1. Use a pressure cooker (without the pressure element) or a similar sized popping rig. This is critical as we are striving for quick, ultra-hot heating action in order to minimize moisture and promote hulking hulls. 
2. Cut a standard brown paper grocery bag to about .25 its original size and use it as your "bowl."
3. Put a 3-1 ratio of canola oil and Mongolian Fire oil (or whatever hot pepper oil that you can procure) into the pressure cooker and crank the heat up to max level. Add a single kernel, no lieutenants, and wait til it pops. During this waiting period you should position the popcorn, salt, bag, and brewer's yeast in a manner that will allow easy access during the popping process.
4. After the test kernel pops, immediately add the popcorn. Wiz is from the old school of eyeing the popcorn/oil ratio so all he can tell you is make sure each kernel is coated with oil.
5. Keep the lid off as long as possible, until the popping action threatens to spit the kernels all over. Remember, the key is to keep ol' man moisture at bay; the same place we like ol' man vig in the wagering realm. 
6. As soon as the popcorn fills 2/3 of the cooker, take the lid off. This will promote moisture escape, and by this time enough popcorn is in the cooker to keep subsequent "pops" from throwing kernels about the kitchen.
7. When the popcorn approaches overflow level, quickly deposit half of it into the bag, and reposition the cooker on the fire.
8. Quickly, yet gently, pat the kernels with the sides of the bag to absorb excess moisture, and then sprinkle on the brewer's yeast and salt. Be generous with that yeast for it packs a nutritious and oh-so-flavorful punch.
9. Get back to the cooker ASAP and repeat step #7 if necessary. If a smallish batch, it won't threaten to overflow so just wait until the popcorn ceases popping, and empty the remaining contents into the bag. Like before, pat the kernels down, then add salt and brewer's yeast.
10. Serve as soon as possible after production.

*Wizard Weygint finds cranberry juice a wonderful compliment to his savory kernels.*

**If you prefer more of a gourmet flair to your batch, use Jolly Time white instead of the yellow.**

Wizard Weygint's 2017 SEC Preseason Analysis

 Overrated 

Georgia 

• - QB Eason and Husky QB Browning are sons of different mothers as both have the intestinal fortitude of the common house fly. 
• - Yes they’re the 13th most experienced team in the country but cripes, they barely beat Nicholls and Louisiana Lafayette last year and lost to f’ing Vandy. 
• - Lose 120 career starts on the OL which exacerbates the Eason deer in the headlights situation. 

LSU 

• - The Orgeron novelty figures to have worn off and the reality of his true head coaching ability (10-25 at Ole Miss) will set in. 
• - Only 11 starters back with top five 2016 tacklers departed. Ultra stud DE Key was out for spring and had shoulder surgery in June, which further hampers the depleted D. 
• - QB Etling looked horrible in the spring and back-ups blow so don’t see this mediocre offense improving. 
• - Wiz rates all positions either down or equal to 2016. 

Slightly Overrated 

Bama 

• - Bama pulled a rare attrition trifecta losing the Outland, Nagurski and Butkus award winners in the same year.  Yes they reload but them’s some monster losses. 
• - They have 4 national titles the last 8 years but none when preseason ranked #1 as they are in 2017. 
• - Wiz watched the spring game and backup QB Tagavoila looked like best QB in the country which may stir up the dreaded QB controversy cuz he’s that good and ain’t gonna be content collecting pine all season. 

Hogs 

• - Bielema’s idiocy kept the Wiz from winning the 1,600 participant Phil Steele bowl pool last year as the Hogs blew a 24-0 lead and lost to Vagina Tech in the Belk Bowl. 
• - Wiz is mighty proud of his 5th place finish but his ultra manly call on Arkansas as 7-point dogs was violated by Biel-lame-o and the Wiz shall never forgive him. 
• - This is a solidly mediocre team with just 12 starters back including massive receiver and specs losses along with the departure of their All-American LT Skipper, who like his namesake on the island is a load of a man. 

Miss State 

• - Huge losses on the OL (92 career starts depart) and DL (1 returning starter) can’t help but make MSU somewhat overrated. 
• - Specs blow an L.D.S. sized chode, and the 4th def coordinator in the last four years is tasked to improve on last year’s hapless 459 yards surrendered per game. 
• - QB Fitzgerald is among the SEC’s better QBs which ain’t sayin’ a lot, and he no longer has two-time all SEC WR Ross to target. 
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Vandy 

• - Coming off a somewhat rare bowl game last year, Vandy won’t lurk under the radar as they do most seasons.  
• - Despite their bowl appearance, the ‘Dores were -682 net yards in 2016 with a Steele game grade of #73. 
• - The loss of consensus all-American LB Cunningham is huge as are losses at the critical LT and C slots. 

• - During the SEC media days, RB Webb announced that he’s “the best running back in the nation” which probably ain’t the best of ideas when your teams only edge is being the hunter, not the hunted. 
• - Wiz looks forward to seeing the SEC elite defenses extra pumped to pummel Webb 

Underrated 

Auburn 

• - Baylor transfer QB Stidham looked all-world in the spring. 
• - Wiz rates every position improved barring the DL.  
• - Six of 7 top tacklers back from a 2016 squad that gave up just 17.1 ppg and played a tough schedule that included holding Clemson to 19 points at Clemson. 
• - Expectations somewhat tempered after going 15-11 straight up the last two years and failing to cover their last five. 
• - This is a seriously good looking team with no chinks in their armor which makes them a Wiz dark horse contenders for the national chumpionship along with Wisky. 

Mizzou 

• - Tigers the only team with a 3,000 yard QB, 1,000 yard RB, and a 1,000 yard WR returning this year. 
• - Head coach Odom in oft-magical year #2. 
• - The #19 most experienced team in the country bolstered by the fact they had a shit ton of injuries last year and most of those guys are back. 
• - Coming off a 4-8 2016 and having gone 8-16 against the spread the last two years, expectations will be ultra low which makes this the Wiz’s #1 value team going into 2017. 
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Kentucky 

• - 17 returning starters with a Phil Steele talent ranking of #34; that lofty ranking hasn’t been seen in Lexington for many a moon. 
• - They got bowl practices for the first time under Stoops so figure to benefit from that. 
• - OL returns 4 starters from a very good 2016 unit, while 8 of the top 10 tacklers return. 
• - Preseason pubs, Vegas and the soiled masses somewhat hip to the Cats’ value but their many upsides make the Cats a well-deserved Wiz underrated team. 

Slightly Underrated 

Cock 

• - Muschamp in oft-magical year #2 with 16 returning starters and bowl practices under their belts…which is also where their namesakes are located. 
• - Highly touted QB Bentley will be even better in his soph season and has some of the SEC’s best receivers to target. 

Jibes with Public Perception 

Florida 

• - Off back-to-back SEC East chumpionships, Gators now the unquestioned hunted which don’t bode well with a redshirt frosh QB scheduled to start for a perennially shitty offense. 
• - Huge DB losses and only one of the top four tacklers returning portends defensive woes. 
• - Keep in mind they finished 2016 getting hammered by Florida State and Bama, and followed that up with a 30-3 win over grossly overrated Iowa in their backyard (Alahomo Bowl). 
• - Phil Steele is touting them a surprise, national title contender team but Wiz ain’t havin’ none of that. 

Texas A&M 

• - Wiz’s wallet substantially fattened during the pathetic Sumlin regime as the Aggies have gone 17-33-2 the last four years. 
• - Both the preseason pundits and Vegas are finally hip to Sumlin’s ineptitude so alas, Sumlin’s fade value is now but a fond memory. 
• - Wiz wouldn’t bat an eye if Sumlin is axed mid-season. 

Vols 

• - Vols are a mixed bag with 8 of top 9 tacklers back and all-world specs, while the QBs are green and 3 of the top 4 receivers are no mas. 

• - Despite their 9-4 record last season, they were a -72 net yards with a mediocre Phil Steele game grade of #39. 
• - Wiz was tempted to tab Tennessee slightly overrated but given their annual schizo factor, he’ll keep them here in the jibes column and continue his time honored tradition of rarely playing on/against the Vols. 

Ole Miss 

• - Freeze's "misdial" debacle provides plenty of bar room yuk material but leaves the Rebs in "avoid like the plague status." 
• - Despite their 2-6 SEC record last year, the Rebels were only -8 ypg in SEC play. 
• - While returning just 11 starters, Wiz rates every position improved barring receivers. 
• - Offense is loaded with raw talent and the K/P combo the best in the SEC. 
• - With the self-imposed 2017 bowl ban and 11 returning starters coming off a lackluster 5-7 season, expectations will be ultra low. 
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